Monday, December 06, 2004

New Perspective

The weeks that followed the conversation in my previous post changed me. Before this time, I firmly, religiously and scientifically believed that the soul was not separate from the body; the soul did not exist by itself. I viewed any tales of ghosts, supernature happenings or such matters as superstition, imagination or the work of the devil (the religious side of me still believed in Satan at that time).
Right up to the very moment I heard her disembodied voice speak to me, I firmly believed that such an event was impossible. I'm not going into the few conversations I had with her, other than to say they involved the further exchanges of our expressions for love for each other, and very specific information I had no other way to receive that I later verified.
I am going to say that these events lead me to start questioning my belief system. Point number one that I had to face: Our soul does exist on its own. How? What happens if we die? Most Christian religions accept this as fact, but if my religion was wrong, what does that say about other religions that are based firmly in the interpretation of any ancient texts?
In the past, I read the bible completely through over time, several times. I know its words. So now, I started looking at the bible from a neutral eye. I started realizing there was a lot of ridiculous explanations to cover thangs that the bible says. Then, I realized, there are absolute contradictions in the bible that are glossed over by fundamentalism, and all christian religions. The bible is not the infallible word of God. It couldn't be. Hince my journey began.
I explored and revealed each successive lie I've been told since I was an infant. As my eyes opened slowly opened, old precepts became invalid or simply lost meaningfulness. Through this process, it took me a about three years to completely shed christianity (and all organized religion) out of my veins. I am not a christian. I've discovered all religion is simply a metaphor to explain the unknownable. I choose to accept no one's metaphor any longer. I have been religionfree since I was 28.
It is amazing where a woman's love can take you. In my case, I literally lost my religion. lol

Thursday, December 02, 2004

True Final Words; One Spring Evening, 1999

On the phone, a continent and an ocean apart,
painful bliss unfolded.
Burned on my memory are our final words.

“Matty, listen to me.”
“I love you so much.”
“I love you more than words will say.”
“You are my world. You mean everything to me”
“You have given me everything I ever wanted.”
“You complete me.”
“I have known no greater love in my life than my love for you”


“I love you more than anything in this world, my Bevie.”
“I love you so very much.”

“You make me so happy.”
“I will be with you always.”


“Bevie, we will be together forever.”

“Forever is a long time, Matty”
“but I will be with you always.”


“What’s wrong, Bevie, tell me.”

“Matty, promise me,”
“Find someone who will love you as much as I do.”

“There will be no one else, Bev.”
“You are ‘the one.’”
“We will be together forever.”

“I told you, forever is a long time,”
“but I will always be with you where ever you are.”




“I love you, Matty!”

“Je t’aime, ma Bevie!”

“Je t’aime, aussie.”



“Matty!”

“Yes, Bevipie?”

“Mattybear, Je t’aime.”

“I love you more than the depths of the ocean blue….”
“I love you more than the vastness of the sky above….”
“I love you more than the expanse of the stars in heaven….”
“I love you more than anything in this Universe.”

“I love you bigger.”

“As always, baby. Je t’aime, ma Bevie, forever.”

As you fell into your deep sleep for the last time,
in my ignorance, I believed you to be well enough,
but in my heart, I prayed for you to heal.

“I love you so much, Beviepie.”

In expression of my love even more
I recited your favorite poem while you slumbered
In your deep sleep
As I spoke I heard your sighs of content
And as I finished
You contently called out my name “Matty”.

“Je t’aime, ma Bevie et mon ange et ma bichette.”

One last time from your slumber,
“Matty” I heard you sigh with such sweet content and love.

“Goodnight, baby. I love you.”

I hung up the phone, thinking your rest was for the night.
But in peace you rested.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Banking eggs

I recently had all of my money stolen out of my checking and savings accounts at my main bank. All the checks and payments I made were bouncing all over the place. It’s a mess. I have to contact each creditor individually and convince them it wasn’t my fault so they will reverse their returned check fees.
I’ve been unsatisfied with how my bank has handled this affair. They’ve dragged their feet on the carpet of inefficiency. It is likely I will be ending my relationships with this bank and its affiliates as soon as this matter is completely fixed.
Fortunately, I have back up money stashed away in a couple of separate accounts at different banks. The old saying comes into play; never leave all of your eggs in one basket. I didn’t have a lot of money in my separate accounts, but I had enough to re-pay this month’s bills before they were too late.
I have these back up sources because I direct deposit relatively small amounts each paycheck into these other accounts. In fact, the amounts are so small, they don’t make a difference in any given month by themselves. But collected over time, they do add up.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving all!

I also thought that I'd share the most unusual keyword search hit come come across my site that I've seen in a long time: free pictures of hermaphrodites. Ugh!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Infallible Bible

One of the pretenses of Christian Fundamentalism is that the bible is the infallible word of God. The statement often made in support of this is that God has overseen the bible’s development and directed its additions into its current form. Yet, the bible used by these people is incomplete and edited.
The King James Version is the core source of ALL protestant translations of the bible (whether admitted to by subsequent authors or not). Even this version has been intentionally changed many times in history. Several books of the King James Version and subsequent protestant bibles have been completely removed over the years to suit current tastes. The stated reasoning for this is that these books had dubious origins. So, if God is caring for his bible so well, why did he allow dubious sections to be included in it for over 500 years? Additionally, many individual scriptures have been removed, edited and reworded as late as the 1990’s! What? So, fifteen hundred or more years after the bible was painstakingly assembled, some group of protestants declare that part of the bible was unnecessary or needed editing? How can anyone believe the bible is infallible if it is constantly being tinkered with by their religious leadership? Is that leadership so arrogant that they believe they are God’s modern day prophets allowing them to mangle his word?
Furthermore, this same process of tinkering was very likely a major factor in the earliest days of the bible’s origins. Except now, no record of that tinkering exist because of time itself, destroyed documents and intentional rewrites to suit then current political and religious agendas. Basically, if tinkering exists now, it certainly existed then.
The bible is a great guide to live by, but to take its current form completely literally is a self-contradiction.
I have a message to the Christian Fundamentalist and other clergy who pretend that they believe the bible is infallible: You can’t have it both ways. If the bible is infallible, then stop editing the bible and undo the ongoing edits. If you accept the ongoing edits, then admit that you really don’t believe the bible is infallible, stop lying to your followers, and stop trying to cram your personal exobiblical believes down everyone else’s throats.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Citibank Strangedays

Well, I called up Citibank today to inquiry about the status of my unauthorized transactions investigation. A person from the fraud customer service department picked up my call. I'll refer to him as Gear. So, I asked Gear about the status of the investigation. First words out of Gear's mouth in reply, "Investigations take 14 business days to be completed." Well, I expressed about as much frustration as I am capable in response. When I first reported the unauthorized withdrawals on my account, I was told that I would have resolution in 4 to 5 days. The second time I called, I was also told 4 to 5 days. After the 5th day, I called again. This time, I was told it was 10 days. And now I called on the 11th day and Gear was telling me I had to wait 3 more days. No way!
He put me on hold and did some checking. He comes back and tells me I was right. The investigation is 10 days, and it is done. I will receive the investigation closure letter and my reimbursement in a couple days. Then he tells me the amount of the reimbursement, under $2000. More than $3000 was stolen from me! What the?!
After more time passes, Gear finally figures about that the initial investigation was only opened for one of my two accounts that was affected. So Gear and I had to go through all of the transactions again, and submit two requests (one for each account) for review and reconsideration of the investigation results, all because of a Citibank error!
You know what, I don't know if this means I will get the initial reimbursment amount, or hafta wait another ten days for the correct amount. Arg! So, the saga continues.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Movie Review: The Forgotten

The movie The Forgotten starts off as a good story that appears to be building towards something significant. In the film, the heroine starts realizing that major portions of her life are disappearing, particularly those portions regarding her son. She is the only person that sees it happen. The movie’s flaws start showing up as the plot unfolds (or unravels). The second half of the movie is full of huge plot holes. The plot problems didn’t distract me from enjoying the film, at least until the end. Important characters and plot points are completely forgotten to give the film a Hollywood happy ending that contradicts and negates the rest of the movie. It’s as though the movie itself suffered from the same plight as the heroine. The one redeeming quality of this film is its affirmation of a mother’s love for her offspring.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

New Campaign

I've determined that I need to try to change the system. ::que dramatic music:: lol Really though, I'm working with my friend Dave, and soon others too, to create an abstract proposal for points to include in the law for enhancement of security for credit, charge and debit card holders.
I've got several ideas. I'll state the details of this proposal when we've worked them out. Once we get the details worked out, we are going to look for help in letter writing for people that agree. We will approach the banks, credit card companies, congress, president and state governments.
More to come.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Frustration

I'm upset with my bank. They've left me high and dry until their investigation is complete. 10 days! I've got checks bouncing all over the place, no additional cash and no checks on my new account yet! The name of this bank is CitiBank.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Thangs come in threes

Well, I've have a fairly frustrating month so far.
First, my computer crashes at work. I need my computer to function fully. IT didn't give me back my system for for quite some time. I was kicking co-workers out of their cubes to I can get my stuff done from time to time. (exaggeration)
Second, someone uses my account information to steal all of my money at some hacked ATMs in Pakistan. What a mess!
Third, my g/f and I are on a break. I've been having difficulty seeing eye-to-eye on some issues. We are working through these items, but are on a break to make sure we both have time to come to terms with these differences. I love her either way.
I'm not outwardly affected, but these frustrating events all happening at once are taking a toll on me.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

We...

She loves me. I love her. She doesn’t seem to like who I am. She wants me to live within the box she has built for herself. That box is far too small for her. She outgrow it years ago. How does she expect me to live in there with her? I don’t demand that she leave her box, but I open the way for her escape. She really likes staying in the box. I invite her out of the box. She takes a step, then two. When I turn my attention away, she leaps back in, like she is pulled by a mighty spring (yet, no spring exists).
She came out of that box when we were getting to know each other, exploring each other. She explored her surroundings, and was happy, excited. The instant we became official, she hopped right into it, and tried to coax me in with her. I’m not going. My spirit is not as free as some, but it is way too free to be held to such a small place.
I don’t care that she is in there. I love her for who she is. I care that she’s expecting me to cram myself in to that box with her. That is hurtful. I’ve been nothing but straightforward about who I am. She knows I like it out here. She lied. She pretended. Yet, it wasn’t pretending. She is the person I fell in love with, yet she doesn’t know it. When she is outside the box, she is happy, she glows. When she snaps back in, she hunches and moans with cramped discomfort. I soothe her soreness with tender care and without judgement. She grabs for my collar, a shirt tail, a pocket or anything just to hold me, to yank me in with her. Dirty tricks.
I love her. She loves me. We…

Bouncing around

Due to my bank account being hacked into, my checks and paypal payments are bouncing around like firecrackers in a 4th of July show that has gone horribly wrong. What a major pain in the ass. I took the initive to send new checks to my mailed bills.
Now I have to somehow get the cash together for Money Orders to cover the several muffed paypal payments. Paypal doesn't allow funding source changes to be made once you send a payment through their system. If they did allow funding changes, I wouldn't have had any issues with my paypal payments at all.
My roommate already cashed his check. I have to right him a new rent check as well, and still find the cash to cover my car payment which is due in a couple of days. arg!!!

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Somewhere in Pakistan

I never expected to have a link to the exotic country of Pakistan. The link I have with this land is that some fucker, or group of fuckers, stole over $3000 of my money through hacked ATMs in Pakistan. I'm guessing they got my pin from a likewise hacked ATM that I attempted to use at convenience store in Newark, CA on Friday, Oct 29. I suspected something was odd with the ATM at the time, but didn't bother making the trek to my bank to change my pin because I was in a hurry (I was trying to use a convenience store ATM for a reason). That will learn me.
At first, I thought I may have been hit by a spoof email (maybe I just wasn't paying attention, half asleep when I did it?), but I looked back in my emails records to find no such emails claiming to be from my bank. That's when I remembered that suspicious ATM. In fact, now that I think of it, the convenience store owner was acting kinda shady when he saw I was having an issue with the ATM. I asked him a completely different question (unrelated to the ATM completely) and he was all, "I've got nothing to do with that ATM," in his Pakistani accent. hmm. Who do I contact to report this?

Monday, November 08, 2004

Ripped Pin Number

Well, I believe my pin to my debit card has been ripped. My checking account has been sucked dry of cash, just as I mailed off a bunch of checks for bills. This month is going to be a bit of a mess. Arg. Hopefully, everything can get straightened out soon.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Bothersome trolls

I had jury duty Monday and Tuesday. Here's how it went.
On Monday, I got to the Hall of Justice. I waited in the security screening line. The security guys held onto my Treo 600 cuz it has a camera. Arg, it's my main form of entertainment! I got upstairs and checked-in to the jurors office. I went into the jurors' waiting room. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. Some announcements were made that had nothing to do with my juror group. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. We were released for lunch. I had lunch. I returned on time. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited.
Ok, finally, we were assigned a judge and a case. We all filed upstairs to the court room. I waited. I waited. Once the judge came in, he gave us instructions, we all took an oath. They gave us a questionnaire. I filled it out and headed home.
On Tuesday, I got to the court just in time. More waiting in that security line. I din't bring my Treo this time. ha. I got to the jurors' waiting area just in time to be called up to the courtroom. I waited. I waited. I waited. We were waiting for all the jurors to show up. Well, a lot of them got stuck outside the room (afraid to come in, I guess), and it took someone leaving for the restroom to give them a clue to come in. Finally all the jurors were there. The judge comes in, called off a bunch of names (I'm among them) and releases us. I go to work.