Wednesday, August 20, 2003

A fish named Goldy...mystery thriller and some sheit

At work today, there’s a bit of a mystery. A coworker of mine (I’ll call her Squeeks) had this nice mylar balloon of a large gold fish delivered for her birthday yesterday. It was actually kind of an eye sore from far away, but it really is a very nice balloon. She named it Goldy. Anyways, she gets in to work this morning to find a ransom note and pictures of her balloon with pitiful “help me” type printed messages, being threatened by sulfuric acid and a screwdriver in the eye. The kidnapper is demanding one stick of mango flavored Trident gum, a “shinny” (mispelt) 1977 penny and before & after pictures of Michael Jackson. It was signed “Sick Individual”. Squeeks and other coworkers are looking over the pictures for any clues as to who is involved. Her boss keeps seeing people in the reflections on the mylar surface of the balloon in the picture. No clear details, of course.
So, as if that isn’t ridiculously fun enough, I wanted a piece of this action myself! I set out to frame a cube neighbor of mine (I’ll call him Fred) for the heinous deed. I quickly printed out one threatening follow-up ransom note, which quickly got picked up as part of a large report that someone else was printing, and copied 60 times as part of that report. I couldn’t have planned that better if I tried! Needless to say, Squeeks got the message. She waited in the printer room for someone she suspected to come to the to pick up the now multiplied message. Fred haplessly comes walking into the printer room to pick up his mail. Of course, Squeeks immediately suspects him of the kidnapping! Again, I couldn’t have planned that any better if I tried. Phase two of my plan spoke for itself. I printed another threatening note and left it in Fred’s cube and just waited for Squeeks to make the incriminating discovery. As she’s still reeling from the first “discovery” when she finds the second note in Fred’s office. The timing was perfect. Of course, Fred is nowhere around, being in the labs most of the day. Their boss goes to find him to see if he is the culprit. Everyone is cracking up the whole time about this ridiculous situation.
So right before this lunch hour, Squeeks is in Fred’s office making further accusations about other “evidence” against him. Fred’s pitiful and weary “help me, help me!” cries were drifting from his office like a ghost’s moaning.
For lunch, their boss is eating fish…hmmm…very suspicious!

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