Saturday, May 29, 2004


I'm not moving. I'm helping Miriam move. She's get kinda psycho during the moving process, so I'm keeping her sane by imitating her just enough that she realizes what she's doing and gets out of her zone. Otherwise she'll be going nuts...yelling even.

Yes, it's true, I'm helping my friend move over Mermorial Weekend...see what a great guy I am. ;-)

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

General statement about me. :)

For someone that doesn't know me, I can seem to have many contradictions. For someone that does *know* me, I can seem to have even more. However, everything about me makes perfect sense to someone that really knows me. :)

Friday, May 21, 2004

"Can you state that objectively"

Huh? I think a lot of people tend to confuse objectivity with void of any responsibility. It's like it's wrong to blame anyone for things they are doing wrong. "Objective" is a code word for "remove all blame". Sheeze.

As a general statement about our country, we have religious conversatives blaming everyone else for there own poor job performance and mistakes; and liberals trying not to blame anyone for anything. The end result is that neither side is blaming the people actually responsible screwing things up. Moderates and centralist are caught in the middle without any support from either side, so it's next to impossible to hold people accountable for their actions in government.

Thursday, May 20, 2004


Tahoe is a pretty laid back place. I visited there with my g/f recently. It snowed early each morning, but you wouldn't know it by late morning because the snow would melt and the water evaporated so fast. I think the water evaporated quickly cuz the air is so dry there, at least when we visited. We mostly enjoyed backdrop and each other. I know, gag. lol Anyways, had fun.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

My Life - Part I: The Funk Mindset

For most of my life, I lived in a funk mindset. This funk mindset is hard to explain. It was like I wasn’t fully self-aware of my own thoughts and actions at any given moment. Almost as though I was under a trance or in a haze. If life was the act of watching T.V. (not what actually is on the T.V., but the act of watching it) then this funk would be like having the volume turned almost all the way down and assuming that what little you do hear fully represents what was going on, even though you can’t hear most of what is being said. Sometimes the funk is like I was a remote spectator to my own live. Other times, I knew I was in control of my actions, but had my options unnecessarily limited, as though I was wearing blinders when looking at the situation while it was happening. Other symptoms of this funk mindset were: the feeling of complete inferior anyone else around me; lack of self-worth; natural inclination to choose the least successful or most disastrous option available; and even when I was successful at something, I didn’t really feel as though I was the reason for my success. I only seemed to have full self-awareness when I was reflecting on events after the fact, usually when I was alone, often late at night in bed. I often acted or thought in ways that confused me upon reflection.
I entered into this funk sometime before 2nd Grade, I think. I can’t remember there being a particular event that triggered it. Maybe it gradually overtook me. I first realized something was wrong when I was a teenager. I didn't have it figured out yet, though. I had enough trouble just trying to deal with the adolescence. My acute awareness of the funk didn't happen till I was 24. I really didn't exit the haze of the funk completely till I was 28.