Remote Stone

Of what world we wonder true?  Our lacking nature holds fast our corporeal soul upon the bosom of thriving abodes that guise the cradled womb.  In this place stand we, me and all others, bound not in chains but yoked hereto nonetheless.  Grand thrusting spears slice through the wondrous  blue veil, floating on the currents of bent universe beyond this round realm, bringing to the helm  fleshless anthropomorphized cold creatures to cast away the dark cloak, thus revealing remote stone for stone’s sake.

My beautiful afternoon and New England quirks

The fact that today's afternoon was beautiful has nothing to do with me. It's mine because I was able to enjoy it. I had dropped Toebzilla off at a pet hotel yesterday for reasons I'm not going into here. On my way to pick him up today, I stopped off at a bagel place for the first bagel I've had in Massachusetts this year. In a rather ironic twist, bagel shops aren't all that common in the MetroWest area. There around, but there's just no prolific quality chains, like Noah's Bagels in the West Coast (to the people that hate Noah's, they are still far better than many places, so I consider them quality by comparison). I'm sure there's a bunch of bagel places closer to the Boston area, but I'm not driving an hour for bagels. Anyway, the place I went to was OK. Service was slow and understaffed for a Saturday. The bagel was fine. I picked up Toebzilla from the pet hotel and then drove to a farm ice cream "parlor". I'm not sure why it's called a "parlor" since you don't actually get to go inside. I think I mentioned this in a previous post. I had a small ice cream in a waffle cone. You got to watch out at the farm ice cream places. Smalls are typically still quite big. Toebzilla was a bit impatient with me as it took me forever to eat my delicious ice cream cone. The farm ice cream shops opened earlier in the season this year since Winter weather ended a bit early. One surprize in New England is that the Diary Queens typically close during Winter too. I've never seen Diary Queens do that before. It was quite disappointing in November to be forced to get soft serve at a McDonalds. As an alternative to Diary Queen, I do miss Foster Freeze, which is a smaller California chain of soft serve ice cream parlors (you actually get to go inside at these places). Oh, one more comment about the farm ice cream shop; they do serve soft serve, but I had "hard serve" today. After coming home, I relaxed on our balcony in the sunny and warm afternoon. Toebzilla doesn't get to go on the balcony often, so he was sniffing around quite a bit, and investigating how far he was above the ground. When I went back inside, he followed quickly. Both of us then sleep for the rest of the afternoon with the Sun peaking through the blinds of the bedroom. I think I'm well rested now. I might actually not fall asleep during SNL tonight.

What's my story?

>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kate *****
>Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 11:53 AM
>To: Matthew *****
>Subject: RE: HI!!
>
>Thangs are great. I'm swamped at work. Took yesterday off to receive 2
>deliveries-a new king bed and a frig. Worked in the garden, walked the dog,
>and totally enjoyed the warm weather. Holidays were delightful.
>What's your story?

What's my story, you ask? Well, at the age of 5 I was living in a home for the mentally insane. My father was a doctor in love with his patient, but like many love affairs in insane asylums, the romance was not meant to last. He moved on, leaving my mother pregnant with me and my evil twin, Horus. We grew up in an orphanage. Horus was always trying to do evil by helping nasty old ladies to cross the street and becoming a lackey for the local YMCA. I, for my part, decided to take a more mundane path. At the age of 8, I built a ray gun that would destroy the moon, which I have proven is the cause of evil insanity. That moon, it's so bright at night, keeping me awake...awake...awake. For some reason this upset the authorities. Something about leaving the Earth helpless at the mercy of huge moon debris, I think, as if that matters to me. So, the nefarious forces of the ATF intervened, taking my ray gun away to use for their own selfish purposes. At that moment, I set out on a life that would allow me to one day rule the world and destroy evil everywhere. I've almost completed my plan twice in the past 10 years, only to be thwarted by some super hero or another. If I have to hear the words, "I'm Batman!" hoarsely uttered by that bat brained fool one more time, I'm going to go crazy myself. He will be the first to go when I am King of Everything, and then I will eliminate my nemesis, Horus where ever he is! ::maniacal laugh::

As for this week, I've just been busy here at work...really busy too. Lots going on. I'm excited about going to Vegas in a couple weeks! woohoo!

Version 2

I do not feel my soulmate calling out to me anymore
I miss you.
I am over you
I will love you my entire life
I am alone
You are near, but not here
I am in the wrong place
I am not alone
What once seemed wrong, now seems idyllic
I am released
I love you
I have learned to not yearn
I regret this and take proud in it too
I once felt like the desert without you
I am now a wandering sailor on wild seas
This prose is about me
I became
I am becoming again
That is was I am suppose to do
I fear new love
I want to experience it
Journey
I want to be selfish
I am generous
Love is generous and selfish
I am love
I fear myself
Nervous at life’s mundane moments
Confident when sublime engulfs me
You engulf me
I feel you
Love becomes without finale
This prose is my search for you
I am contradiction
I became because you are in my life
I become again because you are not now here
You are near, guiding
She has not come yet
I am waiting to become with her
Love,
Yours always

(circa 2001)

Oh my Bevie

Oh my Bevie
Find your way back to me
I've missed you
Bring back the happiness
Remember
Our care for each other
Oh my Bevie
Find your way back to me
Dear sweetie
You never leave my thoughts
My lost one
I'm here for you always
Oh my Bevie
Find your way back to me
Tender Love
Strange, so strong, yet fragile
Bring back
Love uncommon on Earth
Oh my Bevie,
Wondering
Through this life, yes I am
Living on
I do live my own life
Oh my Bevie
Find your way back to me
Memories
have of a life of their own
Longing here
for them renewed again
Oh my Bevie
Find your way back to me
Share times
We have lost to this gap
Healing now
Life goes on in tragedy
Oh my Bevie
Find your way back to me
Love Always

(circa 2001)

For You

Flowers I present by love
for my baby, whom I adore

Run to me, my love, kiss me
and feel my heart beat for you

Lean your head on my shoulder
I am your support for life

Guide your heart to my harbor
I shall protect you from storms

Open your places hiding deep
and I will handle with care

Your dreams have haven in me
Our dreams we share as you sleep

These flowers represent all
of my expressions of love

For You


Copyright ©1999, 2001 & 2003 Matthew Lorono All rights reserved

It's about me

It is easy to think one’s life has not measured up to the expectations one’s own heart and mind. Accomplishments made diminished are held low. Even the proud braggart is ultimately over compensating for feelings of inadequacy. Yet each person must face the truth that we are here for a reason. Accomplishment is not measured by comparison to others, but on the merit of the deeds and thoughts of the inner person. Each person must admit to themselves that they are worthy; worthy of love, joy, and peace; worthy of that which we earn. In this, life is a calm excitement. It is the excitation of living in which having a calm spirit brings success.

We are blessed with our time here on Earth. This blessing is a chance to us. But extension, our responsibility here is for our self. We earn more than each of us can possible know in one life. Many lives must be experienced to gain the full value of our being. We reside beyond existence, yet held in stasis within this world, within this Universe. It is more than what we can see, but much less than our lifespark. The universe cannot be held equal to the value of my life, or the lives of any other. Yet, somehow we are all contained within its ether.

It’s about me. Each of use can say this for our self. It is about me. This world is not so random. It is intertwined, full of incidents, but never accidents. The world revolves around me. At the same time it revolves around each of us equally. Our paths lead one place; that which is beyond the infinite. In this, the minor day to day living, the rut, and the daily grind are nothing less than us inching towards our ultimate destination.

Even though each of us is on our own journey, we are collectively moving together. Each of us a cell in the greater organism; a piece of the whole that so much greater than what we can possibly see. It’s not our need to know full extent of things. Knowing would hinder and distract too much. We must focus upon the task laid before us. Life; its purpose is to live. Me; this is my purpose, to live my life. Is it really so simple? The answer to that is up to me.

Thank you to the Cosmic Consciousness for the time and worlds in which to speak. Enjoy.

Ordinary, Not So (stream of consciousness)

Looking at the past, the whole first quarter of my life seems to be as though I was not the person I was supposed to be. It invariably was essential for me to live that portion of my life to become who I am today. Though, it seems I should’ve been able to develop much faster to be me sooner. I know what was holding me back. I know why. It was really something holding me back too. My experiences where indeed limited by my willingness to venture out of the safe cave. When I finally did, it was one wild ride, as though I was being taking along a course to catch me up with where I was supposed to be. I'm living an ordinary life with not so ordinary events that got me here.

Now that I’m well into the second quarter of my life, I am comfortable with who and where I am. Maybe I am too comfortable. I like who I am. I know a lot of people wouldn’t though. I tend to ignore the little things, not taking others seriously when they trip up over them. Little mistakes amount to nothing in my mind, yet for some reason some others hold them over my head. On the other hand, I’m more concerned by the big picture, where others don’t seem to notice or care. I feel limited by my lack of resources to affect the big picture to improve things for everyone. Now that I’ve come this far, it seems I know I have so much farther to go, but can’t seem to find the path. Am I trying? It’s hard when the day-to-day distracts. How does one start something big when the space of time left between the little things is barely enough to recover from having to take care of the little things? Hell, what would I set out to do if I had the resources? I know enough to know I don’t know enough. I do know I’m not into fighting for causes. Too often, those are too focused on too little.

I want to make the world just a little better than how it was when I entered it. Some sort of legacy. Maybe for the time being this is why I write this blog with its articles about so many different topics, from astrophysics to specific details of my own life, from the politically incorrect to religious foolishness, from dreams had to hopes yet to be realized. And yet, there is so much I don’t write about. My words in this site are the tip of the iceberg. There are memories of loss that I dare not pen down. There are experiences that most would not understand that I don’t bother to explain. And there’s mundane details of my daily life that wouldn’t be worth talking about, even on my most bored of days. (I also don’t write about details of my work.)

I’m not asking “is this all there is?”, but I am wondering how I can make more of what I have. It’s almost as though the great adventure is behind me so many years go. I am a better person now, but does that buy me a more difficult task, or a period of reprieve? I don’t ask about the meaning of life. Knowing that doesn’t make life any more meaningful. (What is the meaning of life? To live.) There’s the feeling that perhaps there’s an unfulfilled promise or perhaps some task left undone. Or perhaps I’m impatient. I do have what I want at this point. What is there for me to complain about? Perhaps the choices before me from this point on preclude each other once I take the steps towards one? I want all aspirations to be fulfilled, but feel only one can be pursued at a time.