Much ado about English thangs oh, and that Shakespeare guy

So as a random little project, I wondered what Shakespeare might look like if
it was translated into Modern English. I chose the opening soliloquy by Romeo when he enters the Capulet garden for the famous balcony scene. This seemingly easy task takes on an added dimension when one realizes that this is really a speech criticizing Queen Elizabeth. How does one translate text that is  metaphor laid upon metaphor? Thinking about how difficult it is to translate from Renaissance English to Modern English, I have to wonder how anyone can possibly think the Bible is properly translated from ancient Hebrew to ancient Greek to Latin and then to all the different languages around the world. Well, here’s my attempt at translating this one small section of Shakespeare. BTW, I didn’t keep the original meter because that exercise is pointless. If anyone has any comments on this, I’m perfectly willing to adjust it.

Shakespeare	Modern
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?	What is that light suddenly appearing in the window over there?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.	It is dawn and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,	Rise up, brilliant sun and put down the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,	Who is already sick and pale with saddeness,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:	Because you, her servant, are way more brilliant than her
Be not her maid, since she is envious;	Stop being her servant because she is the one who is envious of you;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green	Her virgin uniform is just sickly and pale
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.	Only idiots wear it. Get rid of it!
It is my lady, O, it is my love!	It is my lady. Yo, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!	I wish she knew it!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?	She speaks but says nothing. What is up with that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.	Her eyes are talking to me; I am going to respond.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:	Oops, my bad. She cannot see me. She does not know I am here.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,	The two most brilliant stars in all heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes	Going away on some business, beg her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.	To shine their twinkle until they get back.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?	What if her eyes remained on her face?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,	The brightness of her cheek would way outshine those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven	As daylight does to a lamp; her eyes do to the stars in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright	Her glow would stream through the air so brightly
That birds would sing and think it were not night.	That birds would wake up and start singing, thinking it was not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!	Look how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,	Oh, I wish I was a glove on that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!	So I could touch that cheek!